Lady Terminator
Let’s cut to the chase: this film’s main plot point centers around a vaginal snake dagger. For this reason alone, it’s one of the greatest movies of all time.
Lady Terminator is a 1988 Indonesian action film directed by bonkers mastermind, H. Tjut Djalil (a.k.a. Jalil Jackson). It came out of a time when the Indonesian government required that film importers produce a quota of their own, homegrown movies for every title they wanted to import. This was an effort to limit the cultural “damage” of imported films and helped boost Indonesia's film industry like never before. From this came some of the most inventive, fun and entertaining movies ever made, such as The Devil’s Sword and Queen of Black Magic. This leads us to Lady Terminator, which is unique in that it’s simultaneously a Terminator rip off as well as a retelling of the mythological story, Legend of the South Sea Queen. This combination provides a wild, nonstop cinematic ride that proves more enjoyable than most official Terminator sequels.
The film begins with the South Sea Queen making every attempt to orgasm. Yet, her vagina bites off every penis that dares attempt to pleasure her, killing the men in the process. This is due to a snake that has made a home in her lady bits. Goddess problems, am I right? That is, until a man brave enough to go face first into “snake city” and turns her resident pussy serpent into a snake dagger. Ah, the power of love. Surprisingly, the South Sea Queen isn’t too happy about this and claims revenge upon the man’s great granddaughter. Then, she swims to the bottom of the ocean where she broods and plots her comeback. Breaking up is hard to do.
Jump to the present day, Tania Wilson is an archaeologist and is eager to mention that fact even when the conversation has nothing to do with archaeology. I, too, have a Humanities degree so I empathize completely. We soon discover that Tania needs to go to the South Sea for what can only be presumed as “archaeology reasons.” So, she finds a reluctant boatsman and his deckhand named Popeye, then goes scuba diving. While Tania is under water, a sudden tsunami sinks their ship and then the film cuts to Tania being tied to a bed by invisible forces. How does she get there? What did she find in the South Sea to make this happen? Was her great granddad the cunnilingus zen master from earlier? Doesn’t matter. Before you know it, a snake slithers into Tania’s vajayjay and then we’re abruptly on a beach as we see Tania walking naked out of the water. Huzzah, Lady T. is born! Going on to fulfill the film’s tagline, “First she mates… then she terminates.”
Truth be told, this film lives up to its own tagline better than most films in cinematic history, with our titular character sexing/murdering at such a pace that there is no time for exposition, reloading or romancing. Like her male Terminator counterpart, Lady T. takes shotguns to the face, drives a car into a police station, is chased by a helicopter that fires missiles, and unloads countless bullets. Unlike her male counterpart, however, Lady T. fires those countless bullets into men’s genitals and subsequently kicks said genitals as the men lay dying. Patriarchy take note, your balls are numbered. At some point we’re introduced to police detectives but they really don’t matter much sans one bar scene with the great line, “Hey, you serve beer here or just milk?” Otherwise, this is the Lady Terminator show! She ain’t stopping short of a punani poniard. Oh, and let’s not forget the laser vision. Lady T. has laser vision for the final ten minutes of this film, frying two dudes like Star Trek red shirts. It’s beautiful.
All this is a mere fraction of the cinematic awesomeness that this film bestows upon one’s eyeballs. It’s a real blast and only gets better with a group of friends, possibly more so while drinking an appropriate ‘80s cocktail such as the Screaming Orgasm or Slippery Nipple. If you’re looking for a unique and memorable way to spend an evening, look no further than Lady Terminator.
This outstanding gem comes courtesy of Mondo Macabro, who have restored the film to its proper uncut, widescreen glory and put it out on DVD. Included on their disc is a great documentary about Indonesian Exploitation, which goes in depth about the film movement as well as highlights some other phenomenal films. Check it out, you won’t be disappointed!
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Midnite Dave
David is the founder & director of Midnite Romero Society. Find more of his writing & visual work at MidniteDave.com
